Blocked!

Our drains are blocked!

Not only our house, but the whole street's drains are blocked.

I know that is not something to write about, but it got me thinking. I like to see the symbolism in situations. 

Houses symbolize the body. What goes on inside the house, reflects what is going on inside us. 

Drains?

Well that can symbolize the elimination system of the body. Energetically it could also symbolize blocked ideas, resisting change, holding on, not letting go!

The whole street? Symbolizing the collective. What affects the one affects all. It is a domino effect. Our thoughts affect others, our beliefs, our attitudes, our behaviors.

People we interact with are mirrors showing us what is inside us. In the same way as the blocked drains are showing our congested thoughts.

Congested thoughts create physical problems. Our household seems to be always on the toilet, with some complaint or the other. I wonder how our neighbors' bowel movements are? (no I'm not going to ask...) 

The drains have now been unblocked, thankfully. Hopefully this means something else has shifted in our minds.

 "CLEAR MIND, CLEAR SIGHT -You can see clearly if your mind is clear. Spend a little time each day to empty your mind so that you can see the truth in all situations!!"

The above should be instead:

"CLEAR MIND, CLEAR BOWELS -You can see clearly if your mind is clear. Spend a little time each day to empty your bowels so that you can see the truth in all situations!!"

Special!

I worked a shift in a moderate/severe Autistic Children's Home yesterday. I haven't done anything like this before and my experience with autism is in mainstream school as a teaching assistant. As I am doing agency work I was asked if I wouldn't mind doing a shift.

I was a little apprehensive at first, thinking I wasn't qualified as a care worker. I was also feeling another emotion, fear!

Fear???

Yes I was feeling fear. I searched my feelings further and realized that from a young age I have always shied away from people who are 'different.' I feel ashamed to say this but one of my earliest memories is being at the zoo aged about 9 or 10 and a group of Down's Syndrome children were standing nearby. I was so afraid I ran to my Mum.

I went to the Home the day before to see the route that I had to take. The grounds were beautiful, on acres of farmland with sheep, wild rabbits with homes scattered among trees. Out of a window in one of the homes sat a boy of 19 years old screaming and rocking. The scenic view melted into the background and all I could see and hear was this poor young man making unintelligible noises. Were they of joy or pain?

The next day I drove down the winding, country lanes thinking maybe I could just not turn up. I felt ashamed at my fear. I really didn't want to go, but I didn't want to let the agency down or the Home that were expecting me.

As I entered the grounds, again I was overwhelmed by the beauty of nature all around me. I was directed to the home I was to help in. I was greeted by four care workers and a boy of 10 or 11. He was smiling and like any child was curious at who was visiting.

The Home was spacious, clean and had been recently refurbished so was a little sparse on decor but was welcoming enough. The care manager showed me around telling me that on entering and leaving each room I had to make sure the door was locked.

I was taken to the children's bedrooms and outside of the bedrooms was the child's photo. The manager told me their names, their age and their condition along with their behaviors. He was speaking so matter-of-factly about how one bites, one will hit with his open hand and the other will play with his excrement. I was then told to be alert and if the care workers tell me to get out the way quickly they may have to shout.

I thought I'm sure I can make some excuse to leave, looking around me only seeing the boy that I was told only yesterday pulled the microwave out of the socket and threw it across the room.

'I'm sure I am not cut out for this' , I thought, ' I am a teaching assistant who has had to deal with one or two children with ADHD and mild Aspergers and Autism and some children with 'naughty' behavior.'

I was told my role today would be to assist another care worker with a child and to make sure the laundry and dishes etc were taken care off so that the care workers could concentrate on the kids. I let out a sigh of relief, I could escape behind a locked door and do housework.

But I want to help children!!! My heart whined.

I then heard one of the other boys, he was about 13, he ran in flapping and screeching. I moved away, smiled and went to the laundry room, went to lock the door behind me and felt a push, I pushed back and locked the door.

How could I help these children if all I wanted to do was run away from them?

I looked at the clock on the wall. I had only been there for an hour and had 6 more left. How on Earth was I going to last without running away.

The care manager then suggested we take two of the boys to the grounds park for an hour before dinner. The care workers were a lovely young man of 21 and the girl was just 22. They were so natural with the children I just followed their lead. One of the boys just stood in one spot and flapped but stopped flapping when the girl told him to. He would sit on the swing for a minute then run off and flap again. Whilst the other boy who has a tendency to nip, was happily playing on the swing with the young man. I just stood in between them awkwardly.

When the workers were sitting just watching the kids I did what I do best; ask questions about themselves and how they entered into this profession. I gave them praise for their patience and tolerance and care at such young ages.

The evening went quite smoothly other than the male care worker been slapped in the face and the basket ball post been pulled down by another boy, who then had to be carried away to his room kicking and screaming and lashing out biting. But I had left unscathed!!

I finished off my laundry and cleaning and left at 9 pm.

I drove down the dark roads feeling quite shell shocked and all I could think about was how I didn't even try to connect with the kids. How distant and unapproachable I felt, even though the youngest  came to me and put his hands on my lap and I then patted him on his back.

I realized that I was afraid of the behaviors not of the children. I could see how vulnerable and how much they needed love and to communicate but couldn't in normal ways as they were non-verbal.

I felt awful!!!!!

I feel so much respect for people who do this job and really love it and the children they care for. They really are a special type of people. It takes more than just caring and feeling sorry for the children.

I learnt a lot about myself that evening and what it takes to really care for children with special need.

I learnt about my limitations and also about my capabilities.

I learnt that not everyone can do everything and that some people are better at some things more than others.

I learnt that following your heart with the help of your mind, is more helpful to others than letting your heart lead blindly!

I learnt that there is still more to learn...and that's O K!

Joy!

The angel guidance for mid week is JOY!!!!

'Joy is our natural state.'

Just ponder on this statement for a minute... yes, joy is our natural state. So when we are not feeling joy there is something unnatural going on.

How can that be? I hear you all shout! (along with my critical mind) 

Notice how it feels when a baby smiles at you. However 'not in joy' you are, a smile spreads begrudgingly across your face.

It is contagious! The more you smile, the more the baby smiles, that feeling of  'everything is good in the world' sweeps through your being.

We are so tuned into feelings of misery, doom, gloom that we pass by the evidence of good. 

For example, the News bombards us constantly with pain and ends with a little antidote at the end to make us feel better. But what most of us don't realize is that what we see, hear and are surrounded with becomes our reality. In other words, our beliefs are shaped by them.

Back to joy!

Following are a few ways to jump start your natural state of being in joy!

• En-joy whatever you are doing, whether it is washing the dishes or making a cake
• look at things with new eyes, switch from looking for the worst to looking at a better way
• spend more time in nature, and really look at what is around you.
• listen more to what your loved ones are saying, be compassionate instead of annoyed
• instead of worrying, do something that about it, if you can't, find something else to do
• be thankful for all you have, this means everything, acceptance comes before change
• and if all else fails, SMILE!!!!!!!!!!

En-joy your day xx

Gratitude!

OK, I am taking the advice from the angels and finding things to be grateful for. I started to make a list in the morning,

• Lovely, warm, comfy bed
• my children are well
• I am well
• my partner loves me
• I am alive
• still on holiday
• beautiful cat
• have enough money
• have a car
• can look OK (if I make an effort!)

Then I got stuck! I found it more and more difficult to find reasons to be grateful. I found my mind going to reasons to NOT be grateful and boy did the list fill up pretty quickly.

Most of us are on default to misery! We mean well, we try the positive thinking and even tell ourselves off when we have a bad thought.

If we are on default for misery it is very hard to jump to joy and impossible to find things to be grateful, when our radar is picking up signals for doom!

What if we write more things to be grateful, will it make us feel grateful?

Could do, but the vibration of doom is so strong that it will entice you back.

Let's analyse some of my reasons on my list and see where the thought is coming from. Whether it is coming from my default setting or from true gratitude:

• My lovely, warm, comfy bed

Well, I was still in my bed and was feeling comfy, so I guess I was feeling true gratitude for this

• My children are well

On first inspection this is gratitude, but further investigation shows that it is riddled with worry. Default setting of misery :(

• have a beautiful cat

This is pure gratitude as there is nothing else it could be

• Have enough money

Could be gratitude but where is it coming from? A place of worry or a place of thankfulness?

Am I making too much of this Gratitude stuff? 

Yes I am. I am just trying to show how our default thinking can sabotage our intentions on being happy.

The good thing is, the more you practice being grateful, the easier it is to feel it!

Thank you xxx

Angel Reading for Week 26/8 - 1/9/13

I will be giving a reading for each week using my angel oracle cards, I have a new pack called Angel Aura cards by Jenny Smedley.



Monday and Tuesday

Gratitude - Say thank you for everything in your life

The more we show gratitude for the things we have, the more abundance we receive. The angels are asking us to focus on the positive in our lives and appreciate the small things as well as the big things. 


Wednesday and Thursday

Joy - Smile and your angel will smile on you.

Smiling is contagious, try it! Notice how others respond towards you when you smile instead of frowning all the time. This ties in with the beginning of the week, about being thankful, say thank you more, smile and see how this creates a tsunami of joy!


Weekend 

Determination - Stay focused on your angel and you can accomplish anything

Focus on joy! It can be hard to stay in joy especially when others around you are being grumpy, or you are feeling grumpy. But determination can accomplish miracles. Expect miracles, be the miracle. And don't forget to smile...

Angel Love xx

New Beginnings - again!

I seem to be starting on new beginnings over and over. It is like a spiral of new and old climbing higher and higher but also getting stuck on a rung sometimes and even feeling that I am spiraling downwards at other times.

Maybe that is what life is really like - not linearly but spirally!

We seem to think of our lives in a line: we are born, we grow, we die, from 0 to a higher number.

 But is it really like that?

I often feel like I am regressing to childlike emotions, feeling very wronged and sulk about things not going my way.

Is that how an adult should behave?

Not sure?

But who says it shouldn't be the case?

Yeah, I ask lots of questions and most of the time it's not because I need them answered. I think I just like to ponder, it must be my ancestral Greek roots of philosophizing.

It gets annoying to others around me who are here on planet Earth and grounded in day to day reality (or illusion, but that's another subject for pondering!)

So, back to new beginnings!

It is a Full Moon tomorrow or the following day depending on which part of the world you are from. The Full Moon energy is there to help us with letting old things go, to allow the new to take hold. It is about taking an inventory of who you are, checking out your beliefs, your attitudes, your judgements and assessing if they are really helping you with your life.

If they are and you feel good about things then just keep on doing what you're doing.
If you are not feeling good about things and what you are doing, then most likely you need to change a few thought processes.

I am good at finding motivational quotes, for example,

"What you think of the most, grows"

"You are what you think of the most"

"People see others as they are"

In other words, perception is key and so are thoughts. They really do create our reality. If you don't believe me give yourselves a little challenge for a a week. Notice what you think of the most in that week. Then the following week notice what your experiences are.

 For example, you are annoyed with your partner for being lazy, unhelpful and a pain. You think of this constantly, you notice it, you moan to your friends about it, to him, to the cat.

Guess what happens?

Nothing! nothing changes other than you get more of the same.

Why?

Because it is what is in your vibration and that is attracting more of the same as this is the law of attraction.....

We'll leave it there for now as I feel I am of on another tangent of energy and vibration and love.

So I leave you with the challenge, feel free to contact me and let me know how you got on.

It's been a long time!

It has been a long time since I visited my own blog. Why is that so?
I feel as if I have run dry... nothing feels the same anymore. What I believed before does not apply any more.
I still believe in angels and still use my crystals but I am going through my own personal healing and do not feel able to give congruent advice, opinions or guidance. It is like I have been STOPPED.
This has happened quite a few times along my journey of awakening, but now it feels like make or break. I am been pushed, pulled, squeezed, strained to look deeper, further, into the realms of my being. To really find me, the being that is real and pure and raw. I am being challenged and provoked to take off every role, mask and cloak, to become naked and vulnerable.
I am feeling like I have nowhere to hide anymore. All the excuses and facades and games I have played do not stick anymore. 'You can fool some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time.' I can't fool myself anymore and that is just it. I am not even that bothered about what others think of me anymore, but I am concerned about what I think of me. The real I the me the essence of my being, wants to be seen and is not happy with being portrayed as anything less than who I am.
I don't know if anyone reads my words, I would like to think that anyone who does, finds something that resonates. If not, that is fine. It is all fine, all of it, even the bad. I hope that when I come out of this journey of discovery, I have more to share with others. Until then . . .