WHO AM I?

I have been presented with a recurring question for most of my life, but lately it is becoming incessant in it's need to be answered.

WHO AM I?

This question is so important, in that if we do not know who we are we cannot move forward in the direction we need to be going. We mis-represent ourselves, we become confused and we feel low if we are not being ourselves.

Why is it so difficult to know yourself? We are bombarded by so much external information from the time we are born to adulthood that we just shut down our naturalness and spontaneity. We identify with other's views of ourselves. We want to be liked so we try to please 'them' by doing more of the same.

There are also the expectations of society, your peers and what the media says we must be all doing, feeling, being. So is it any wonder 'Who am I?' is hard to answer.

Following is a fun and creative way of tapping into your authentic self. It can be very insightful and helpful in deciding what parts are the real you and which parts are made from others' opinions/expectations;

1. Write down who you are without too much thought. Let whatever comes to you flow, it may not be in any order or make any real sense. It can be in a list form or poetry or bullet points.

2. Write down your childhood dreams, what did you want to be when you grew up?

3. Write down your likes and dislikes.

4. What kind of person do you think your family and friends think you are? i.e. kind, thoughtful, stingy, rude etc.

5. Write down the important people or animals in your life.

6. Once you have done that you can let your creativity take over. Look at your list and cut out images that represent you from your list. If you are artistic you can paint, draw, use colour instead of images. You can even use different textures, for example, if you think you are cool and calm, you can use a colour that represents cool to you and a texture that is calming.

7. Take your images and/or artwork and arrange them on a piece of card board as small or large as you wish. Everything is representative of who you are. You can put your name on it in any way you like, you can cut it in any shape you like. This is you, all of it shows who you are.

8. Before you stick the images down, look at each image again. Do they still feel they represent the real you? If they do, stick them on.

9. If there are images that you feel should not be on your board, put them aside for now. Stick what you feel happy with.

The process of finding, cutting, arranging, discarding and then sticking your images can be very healing. It is like collecting all the different parts of what makes you and integrating them to make a healthy whole.

Your likes and dislikes may change in time and your childhood dream may not have been realized but one look at your board will be able to show you and others who you are in essence.

PURIFYING

It's snowing again and the kids are home since schools are shut due to 'adverse conditions'.

I wonder what they do in countries where it snows most of the year, do kids stay home until the spring????

Ranting over, I will try and see this with my 'bigger picture' vision:

1. It's still snowing, so are we being given more time to 'purify' our intentions?

2. Things are still not running smoothly, is it because things need to change?

3. The children are home, is it so that your patience can be tested? (lol!)

4. The roads are slippery, are we being made to 'drive' slowly, to take more notice of what we're doing?


I could go on and on, but you get the jist of it.

What is going on for you?

Personally, I am in the process of 'purifying' my intentions. I am writing a book about grief based on first hand experience of losing my mum four years ago.

'Our' book (I say our book because I feel it is being co-written by my Mum's soul) is in the evolving stage. It is growing as I am guided(by Mum?!) to write about how my Mum's departure has made me have to go back to my inner self and look at things from a different view point.

I express the grief felt whilst I was caring for her in the last months of her life, where she was bed-ridden. I express the loss of the role as daughter where our roles where reversed where I was Mum and she was my child.

But more importantly, I express how we journeyed together through this process and whilst I was helping her come to terms with unfinished business, my soul was doing the same, whether I was ready or not.

So, whether the road is slippery, or our patience is being tested, we are being shown that by taking time to look 'inside' we can find out what we really want to do.

BALANCE

Whoopi!!!!!!

The kids are going back to school today. They have had a long Christmas Holiday due to the 'Big Freeze!'. Nerves are frazzled, fridges are bare and I have a new admiration for children entertainers.

Life can get back to the normal routine.

Humans like routine, structure, we need to know where we are going, what time, who will be there. We don't like surprises, things that are out of the normal routine. Things come to a halt(as with what happened when the snow covered the U.K.)

Basically we don't like feeling out of control. But what is contradictory is that we are not the ones in control. We are controlled by the restrictions of time, of values of norms, of rules.

This see-saw effect of having control and being out of control makes me very 'dizzy' literally. I can usually 'control' this by doing what I want and sticking to my to do list. But this is not always achievable as there are external demands from others and of course from time.

I struggle with this for a while becoming totally unbalanced and grumpy and feel I am made to stop. Too many arguments, things not working out or feeling low are good indicators of being out of control.

I have found that these are all messages for me to stop what I'm doing and do nothing. In other words, release my expectations of how things should work out.

When you release all expectations you in effect are allowing God/Source/Universe to take care of things. Of course you need to do something too.

To find balance in your life fill one side of the scales with what you can control,i.e. your intentions(hopefully for the highest good for all) and your desires and let the other side be filled by God.

The only other thing to do now is trust and have faith that things will work out as they should.

It is not easy, it is difficult to release control and it is a scary feeling having no control. But remind yourself, you already have no control; you cannot control other people, time or inconveniences (Snow!!).

It is liberating and also comforting knowing you are not alone in all this decision making.

'All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.'
Proverbs 21:2

The Big Freeze

'The Big Freeze'

The tabloids, newspapers, news, the whole of U.K. is talking about the 'Big Freeze'.
The children have been off school for the past week, public transport is trying to plough through the snow and stay on the slippery roads, whilst we (the whole population of U.K) are stocking up on necessities.

Again, yesterday on one of my numerous grocery shopping treks, I was overpowered by the sheer madness (people being mad with everyone else)of people getting their shopping done. It was Christmas shopping all over again.

I took sneaky look into people's trolleys thinking I would see tins of food and dry food (good for when you are snowed in),instead I saw luxuries - chocolates, cakes and wine.

Of course, there were trolleys with the weekly shop, but all in all the mad rush was not for real food but for comfort food.

What is really going on in snow covered U.K?

I like to see things symbolically. Why? Maybe because reality is so boring, but mainly because that is how I am wired, i.e. to see the bigger picture. It doesn't mean that what I 'see' is the real picture, but I like to see things from all sides.

So my interpretation of the Big Freeze is:

1. DISTRACTION -Christmas is over and the New Year is here, we need something to distract us from having no money and a huge debt due to the holidays.

2. NEW YEARS RESOLUTION -We may be housebound, or even taking more time to travel to work. This allows us time to reflect on things we may not have time to think about. May be we can tweak our New Year Resolutions here.

3. COVER UP -Everything looks lighter blanketed in snow. It can give us a chance to look at what is hidden under the cover.

4. FORGIVENESS - Freezing temperatures allows situations to be frozen in time, again in order to think about things and not rush into decisions. Or to 'freeze' situations that have been taking place in your life and let them go.

5. CLEAR OUT -If you are at home it can give you a chance to have a clear out, fix that shelf, take care of any unfinished business in all areas of your life.

6. REALITY CHECK -Notice how much time we waste moaning, complaining, blaming. Whose fault is it that there is not enough grit, gas, the kids schools being shut?

7. NEW WAY FORWARD-To think how we really want 2010 to be like for us and our children. Do we want our children growing up in a blame society, in a culture where they are being covered in cotton wool, where we are followers and wait for someone to tell us what to do?

As I said, it's just a different way of seeing things, not better or worse just different. What do you think? That's what matters for you!!!

MIRACLES

I have learnt an important lesson over the past few days. When you want something to happen and you are pushing and going against the grain, nothing comes your way.

When you release expectation and get into the flow, miracles can happen. You may not even realize it as a miracle, depending on what your perceptions are of miracles.

Miracles can be those amazing situations where through all adversity a positive outcome so amazing happens, which leads you to believe it can only be created by God.

Miracles happen all the time and we pass them by as just a coincidence, or imagination because they are not big or amazing enough to be classed as a miracle.

Notice the miracles around you, start with the dawning of a new day and the sunset at the end of the day. The snow drops, the dew, the wind and the rain. Why do we not see these as miracles?

When my mood dips and I feel alone I do not notice what is around me. The snow is a nuisance, the rain is just wet and the wind messes my hair. I don't care much for the sunrise, other than it is another day dawning full of the same problems. I gladly wait for the sunset as it signals the end of another 'terrible' day.

Amongst all this low feelings something happens. You may not notice it at first, because you are so wrapped up in feeling terrible. Then out of the blue, you receive the e-mail you were waiting for or a friend or even someone on T.V. says something that pulls at your heart strings which stirs something wonderful inside.

You may not correlate the feeling with what was said at first, your friend may not have been consciously aware of it either, but what has just happened is a miracle. A moment in time when you feel connected and not alone.

Of course, this may not be enough to get you out of your low mood, but it may help you to notice all the other miracles around you. You may notice the hues of the sunrise, the beauty of each snowflake, the freshness of the wind.

Miracles are normal occurrences, just because we don't notice them doesn't mean they are not happening!

New Year, New You

The next day after the New year can seem a bit of an anti-climax. Where are all the positive convictions, the 'yes let's do this attitude?'

It is important now to not fold and give up before you begin. Remember 'Rome was not built in one day'. For change to take place you need to have clear in your mind what kind of change you want.

The next step is to be realistic. Things are not going to change over-night (even though sometimes miracles do happen). You need to devise a plan. This does not have to be a long winded expedition. But why not get a piece of paper and a pen and write it all down.

Put an estimated time schedule to each point. Rearrange the list in order of priorities or in order of enjoyment. This does not have to be a slog, make it fun.

Give yourself rewards. Each time you accomplish something on your list give yourself either a well done by just acknowledging your accomplishments or by getting yourself a little token of appreciation.

Appreciate your endeavours, don't be-little your efforts. Baby steps are just as important as big steps.

Be careful not to divert your focus of interest to the 'others'. Hopefully, 'others' will see a difference in you which will make them act differently towards you. But be aware, this may not be the difference you necessarily would like. Change provokes uncertainty and insecurity, so you may be drawn into disagreements of all kinds.

Stay vigilant. Remind yourself that change takes endurance and self-conviction. Small steps, well earned breaks and lots of self-appreciation.

Always have the outcome at the forefront of your mind. It may not correspond to what we have learnt in the past that 'It is the journey that matters and not the destination'. The destination is all there is now.

If you are artistic draw how you want to be, where you want to be, how you want to be. If you are more a writer, write a story of where you see your
self, be as descriptive and expressive as your imagination will allow you to be.

If you are musically inclined, play music that fills you with inspiration. Does this music propel you forward? Does it transport you to your destination? If it does play it all the time, feel it, be it.

Do what makes sense to you. Enjoy the journey as well though. Notice who is with you on this journey, appreciate their contribution to your life, in whichever way it manifests.

Most importantly, love, love and love some more. For at the end of the day, that is what truly matters. What fun would it be if we arrived at our destination and found that we were there alone and loveless?

'No man is an Island' but we need to explore our own Island before we can make it habitable to share with others!

New Year 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A new year, a new decade, a new world!

2009 has gone and with it has the past of the year and the past of a whole decade -Wow!

I sat yesterday and contemplated what 2009 meant for me and what I have gained and what I have lost. I listed all my achievements in my personal endeavours and I looked back at how the suffering and pain has been instrumental in propelling me foward.

I thanked both the positive and negative aspects of the year and felt cleansed, renewed and whole and ready for what the New Year has in store for me and the world.

I feel anticipation and excitement for what 2010 will bring for all of us. I am realistic enough to know that much of the same will happen but I also feel deep in my bones that we all have much more personal power in how we want our reality to be.

It is time to stop the blame culture, the victim mentality, the walking wounded attitude and stop being a follower. It is time to take our own lead and look deep inside our own hearts and take responsibility for our present and future.

Today is the 1/1/2010, it is the first day of the next decade, sit down and write how you want your life to look like. What are you waiting for?

2010 bring it on !!!!!!!!