LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

Give what you want to receive
But firstly, know what you have to give.
Build yourself up with love for yourself first

You DESERVE,
You are SPECIAL,
You are WORTHWHILE,
You are LOVE!

Do not look for love from outside
Bring love to you with LOVE.

In with the NEW, out with the OLD

One of my favourite examples I have heard used to explain how to use new thinking, is;

'You wouldn't look in the garbage to make today's dinner, so why look in the 'garbage' (old ways, stale thoughts) of your mind to live today.'

It is difficult to change a life time habit or way of living, but it can be done. What is different right now in these new times, is that it is 'easier' to shift into new thinking because we are made to feel very uncomfortable if we insist on using old ways.

What does this mean????

In my INTEGRATING post, I wrote about BE-ing, I was guided to do that - BE!
I was doing well for a while and I was enjoying just BE-ing present. But life gets in the way, I had to clean the house and cook the dinner, which is all good, but my body and mind were saying,

'Take it easy, you don't have to do it right now!'

I listened to my body for as long as I could, but my mind was giving me my 'shoulds'so I started my work. I finished just in time for the kid's return. Anyway, I fed them, and decided to do some more 'work' against my body and mind's screams to stop and listen to what I was supposed to hear.

There was tension in the air, son was not a happy bunny about something, but it was too late, we clashed and the impact sent me in a spin where I had to flee to the sanctuary of my room.

What's all that got to do with Be-ing and old thoughts and new thoughts etc?

I needed the time-out to re-centre, BE and integrate and literally do nothing. I liken it to when the computer is scanning for problems and you try to use the computer whilst it's scanning, it works slowly and inadequately and it usually crashes and you need to re-boot it to work.

I CRASHED and I needed re-booting!!!

From what I am reading in Karen Bishops alerts (see my favourite blogs) and my friend Angela Goffe's blogs, the energy we are living in now is NEW. We cannot function within our OLD ways.

When you try to do things how you used to do them it doesn't work, you don't work and your system CRASHES!!!

Quick way to re-boot:

1. Remove self, if you cannot physically remove yourself, just close your eyes.

2. Put your hand over your heart.

3. Breath in

4. Breath out

5. Do this until you feel calm

Sometimes you may need more than just the above, like in my case above. The more sensitive you are the more affected you become, so be vigilant in listening to your body and mind.

INTEGRATING

Integrating - a time to just Be!

Today it is raining and I don't have to be anywhere, do anything or even say anything. Do I feel any resistance in this? Do I feel I should be doing something?

If the answer for you is yes then you still need to do some 'work'.

By 'work' I mean,'work-out' what it is that you need to do to get to the point of Be-ing!

Do the following holistic 'work-out' to get to the place of Be-ing;


1. Do you need to forgive someone? Forgive them! If you are finding it hard, work out why by following no. 2,(go to no. 4 if you are able to forgive now)

2. Are you angry with them or with yourself? If so, do something about it ( no physical attacks please) You can physically let it out by punching a pillow or a punching bag and/or write out how you feel - unedited. Make sure you tear the paper up and discard your rant.

3. Do you feel better? If not give your self some time-out. Distract yourself with something pleasurable and maybe try the exercise later.

4. If you feel better, then try forgiving again. Forgiveness basically is letting go. Not condoning what has been done to you or by you, but releasing the hold it has over you. You don't have to say anything in person, just choose to release the feeling and the memory from yourself.

5. After a big release you need some quiet time to just BE. This is simply what BE-ing means. You can not BE if you are full of pain and feelings of revenge. Now you can just BE in your new feeling.

6. When you are BE-ing, the learning from your experiences can be integrated into your BEING.

7. Congratulate yourself, treat yourself, you deserve it.

Like any work-out you need to incorporate it into your daily routine for it to show it's effects. Each day may bring up another person you need to forgive, or it may be the same person, depending on how hurt you feel. It may be a situation, an organisation, a habit. You can replace the word 'forgive' with release or let go if the word forgiveness brings up resistance.

I've been working-out for a while now, so today I am enjoying a guilt-free day of just Be-ing!

TRUTH

The saying, 'The truth hurts' is so 'true'.

We create so many ways, distractions, excuses, situations to avoid the truth. This is not about telling a lie this is about living a lie. So this will involve lying not only to others but yourself.

I am frequently been presented with situations and even people who play out a scene that at the time is hurtful and painful but in the 'bigger picture' sense is a message for me to do something about IT.

What is IT?

It is whatever you are lying to yourself about. For example, I have for many years due to conditioning as a child, my character and maybe even karma, have believed that if you are 'good' you must suffer. Against my natural feelings of, 'No! this is not right!' I 'allowed' certain things to happen.

My belief that the 'good suffer' kept me going believing that I will be 'saved' or rewarded when I die. What a morbid thought. I was not overly religious to think this way but growing up with a Greek Orthodox background, whether you believed or not these beliefs just seep in. Being an over sensitive child made the belief to take roots.

When Mum died in 2005 I was left not only bereaved from losing her, but also with some beliefs that did not make sense. I didn't care if she was to be rewarded now she had died. I didn't think that she was good because she had allowed herself to be a doormat. I was ANGRY!! with her, with God and with whoever made up this 'the good suffer' lie.

I had already intellectually started chipping at the belief for a number of years, but energetically, the belief hung over me like a disease. I helped Mum to leave this world by helping her release any unforgiveness and to be as comfortable as possible.

But one thing I did not do was really listen to her. She was trying to tell me something, her TRUTH! But instead, I took on the 'the good suffer' attitude and dismissed it and told her to release all that stuff.

Who was I to disallow her to express her truth, however painful this was for me. She had to tell me certain things that she wanted me to know and I preferred to shut my ears because I did not want to make her upset (so I reasoned, I didn't want to get upset)

Four years on and the TRUTH is knocking at my door again. It has shown it's face by been presented by things my kids may say to me where It reminds me of something I may have said to my Mum when I was young. It has been presented to me through keeping away from family who I cannot bear to be near anymore because......they are presenting the TRUTH!!

At the time I think, 'I don't want to be near them, they are so negative!' (I have since convinced myself that the good don't suffer, but avoid suffering, one extreme to the next) So I have avoided them.

But now, with whatever is happening in our evolution, the TRUTH will not be pushed, avoided, ignored any longer. You have to face it, listen to it and do something about it, even if it is just acknowledging it.

So, with this realization, even though it may cause upheaval, upset and maybe tears, this year is about TRUTH! All the lies that we have been telling ourselves and playing out to others need to be faced NOW!!!!!

HOW TO SAY NO - NICELY

As time passes I have found that I have become more self-centered. Not in a egocentric way, but in an assertive, grown up way. I know were my boundaries are and let others know where they are too.

I used to do things for people when I would have much rather not. I used to feel guilty if I had said no, giving a long list of reasons to justify my answer. I used to have this heavy dread in the pit of my stomach pulling at my conscience, and bringing up the childhood belief that, 'if you are good you must suffer'.

I am not totally 'cured' from the 'yes' illness, but I am finding it easier to say no and feel just a fleeting pang of guilt which I quickly dismiss and get on with my own life.

The trick to being a good no-sayer is kindness. Kindness to yourself and showing kindness towards the person imposing their wishes on you. If you kindly say, no, you leave little room for manipulation and guilt tripping from them. They can try but no, is short and sweet. If you want to be even sweeter say, 'sorry, no.' It doesn't matter what other words you dress it up with, as long as you don't add, 'I am busy, I won't be home, I've got an appointment, etc. Just say, 'no.'

Of course, there is room for negotiation, if you want,(not if you are doing it out of guilt where you are defeating the point) but negotiate from what you can offer or are willing to offer.

Remember be kind to yourself and to the other person. If you say no, the other person may be upset, she may be annoyed with you, she may even hate you for being so selfish (their thoughts or your guilt?).

You can be kind to both yourself and the other person by negotiating on your terms if you want to help her out. If she disagrees, so be it, you offered what you are willing to do, you haven't said no, you have said no to her terms. She wants your help, so maybe she could practise being kind too!

I have found since being more of a no person I get more respect, on the surface at least. Who knows what is said behind my back. But what I have learnt is that people treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you want to be a doormat then you will have many willing people to fulfill your wish.

If you want to be respected, you have to show that you respect yourself. This does not guarantee that you will be liked, but hey! you can work on that too, by liking yourself a bit more.

WHO AM I?

I have been presented with a recurring question for most of my life, but lately it is becoming incessant in it's need to be answered.

WHO AM I?

This question is so important, in that if we do not know who we are we cannot move forward in the direction we need to be going. We mis-represent ourselves, we become confused and we feel low if we are not being ourselves.

Why is it so difficult to know yourself? We are bombarded by so much external information from the time we are born to adulthood that we just shut down our naturalness and spontaneity. We identify with other's views of ourselves. We want to be liked so we try to please 'them' by doing more of the same.

There are also the expectations of society, your peers and what the media says we must be all doing, feeling, being. So is it any wonder 'Who am I?' is hard to answer.

Following is a fun and creative way of tapping into your authentic self. It can be very insightful and helpful in deciding what parts are the real you and which parts are made from others' opinions/expectations;

1. Write down who you are without too much thought. Let whatever comes to you flow, it may not be in any order or make any real sense. It can be in a list form or poetry or bullet points.

2. Write down your childhood dreams, what did you want to be when you grew up?

3. Write down your likes and dislikes.

4. What kind of person do you think your family and friends think you are? i.e. kind, thoughtful, stingy, rude etc.

5. Write down the important people or animals in your life.

6. Once you have done that you can let your creativity take over. Look at your list and cut out images that represent you from your list. If you are artistic you can paint, draw, use colour instead of images. You can even use different textures, for example, if you think you are cool and calm, you can use a colour that represents cool to you and a texture that is calming.

7. Take your images and/or artwork and arrange them on a piece of card board as small or large as you wish. Everything is representative of who you are. You can put your name on it in any way you like, you can cut it in any shape you like. This is you, all of it shows who you are.

8. Before you stick the images down, look at each image again. Do they still feel they represent the real you? If they do, stick them on.

9. If there are images that you feel should not be on your board, put them aside for now. Stick what you feel happy with.

The process of finding, cutting, arranging, discarding and then sticking your images can be very healing. It is like collecting all the different parts of what makes you and integrating them to make a healthy whole.

Your likes and dislikes may change in time and your childhood dream may not have been realized but one look at your board will be able to show you and others who you are in essence.

PURIFYING

It's snowing again and the kids are home since schools are shut due to 'adverse conditions'.

I wonder what they do in countries where it snows most of the year, do kids stay home until the spring????

Ranting over, I will try and see this with my 'bigger picture' vision:

1. It's still snowing, so are we being given more time to 'purify' our intentions?

2. Things are still not running smoothly, is it because things need to change?

3. The children are home, is it so that your patience can be tested? (lol!)

4. The roads are slippery, are we being made to 'drive' slowly, to take more notice of what we're doing?


I could go on and on, but you get the jist of it.

What is going on for you?

Personally, I am in the process of 'purifying' my intentions. I am writing a book about grief based on first hand experience of losing my mum four years ago.

'Our' book (I say our book because I feel it is being co-written by my Mum's soul) is in the evolving stage. It is growing as I am guided(by Mum?!) to write about how my Mum's departure has made me have to go back to my inner self and look at things from a different view point.

I express the grief felt whilst I was caring for her in the last months of her life, where she was bed-ridden. I express the loss of the role as daughter where our roles where reversed where I was Mum and she was my child.

But more importantly, I express how we journeyed together through this process and whilst I was helping her come to terms with unfinished business, my soul was doing the same, whether I was ready or not.

So, whether the road is slippery, or our patience is being tested, we are being shown that by taking time to look 'inside' we can find out what we really want to do.

BALANCE

Whoopi!!!!!!

The kids are going back to school today. They have had a long Christmas Holiday due to the 'Big Freeze!'. Nerves are frazzled, fridges are bare and I have a new admiration for children entertainers.

Life can get back to the normal routine.

Humans like routine, structure, we need to know where we are going, what time, who will be there. We don't like surprises, things that are out of the normal routine. Things come to a halt(as with what happened when the snow covered the U.K.)

Basically we don't like feeling out of control. But what is contradictory is that we are not the ones in control. We are controlled by the restrictions of time, of values of norms, of rules.

This see-saw effect of having control and being out of control makes me very 'dizzy' literally. I can usually 'control' this by doing what I want and sticking to my to do list. But this is not always achievable as there are external demands from others and of course from time.

I struggle with this for a while becoming totally unbalanced and grumpy and feel I am made to stop. Too many arguments, things not working out or feeling low are good indicators of being out of control.

I have found that these are all messages for me to stop what I'm doing and do nothing. In other words, release my expectations of how things should work out.

When you release all expectations you in effect are allowing God/Source/Universe to take care of things. Of course you need to do something too.

To find balance in your life fill one side of the scales with what you can control,i.e. your intentions(hopefully for the highest good for all) and your desires and let the other side be filled by God.

The only other thing to do now is trust and have faith that things will work out as they should.

It is not easy, it is difficult to release control and it is a scary feeling having no control. But remind yourself, you already have no control; you cannot control other people, time or inconveniences (Snow!!).

It is liberating and also comforting knowing you are not alone in all this decision making.

'All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.'
Proverbs 21:2

The Big Freeze

'The Big Freeze'

The tabloids, newspapers, news, the whole of U.K. is talking about the 'Big Freeze'.
The children have been off school for the past week, public transport is trying to plough through the snow and stay on the slippery roads, whilst we (the whole population of U.K) are stocking up on necessities.

Again, yesterday on one of my numerous grocery shopping treks, I was overpowered by the sheer madness (people being mad with everyone else)of people getting their shopping done. It was Christmas shopping all over again.

I took sneaky look into people's trolleys thinking I would see tins of food and dry food (good for when you are snowed in),instead I saw luxuries - chocolates, cakes and wine.

Of course, there were trolleys with the weekly shop, but all in all the mad rush was not for real food but for comfort food.

What is really going on in snow covered U.K?

I like to see things symbolically. Why? Maybe because reality is so boring, but mainly because that is how I am wired, i.e. to see the bigger picture. It doesn't mean that what I 'see' is the real picture, but I like to see things from all sides.

So my interpretation of the Big Freeze is:

1. DISTRACTION -Christmas is over and the New Year is here, we need something to distract us from having no money and a huge debt due to the holidays.

2. NEW YEARS RESOLUTION -We may be housebound, or even taking more time to travel to work. This allows us time to reflect on things we may not have time to think about. May be we can tweak our New Year Resolutions here.

3. COVER UP -Everything looks lighter blanketed in snow. It can give us a chance to look at what is hidden under the cover.

4. FORGIVENESS - Freezing temperatures allows situations to be frozen in time, again in order to think about things and not rush into decisions. Or to 'freeze' situations that have been taking place in your life and let them go.

5. CLEAR OUT -If you are at home it can give you a chance to have a clear out, fix that shelf, take care of any unfinished business in all areas of your life.

6. REALITY CHECK -Notice how much time we waste moaning, complaining, blaming. Whose fault is it that there is not enough grit, gas, the kids schools being shut?

7. NEW WAY FORWARD-To think how we really want 2010 to be like for us and our children. Do we want our children growing up in a blame society, in a culture where they are being covered in cotton wool, where we are followers and wait for someone to tell us what to do?

As I said, it's just a different way of seeing things, not better or worse just different. What do you think? That's what matters for you!!!

MIRACLES

I have learnt an important lesson over the past few days. When you want something to happen and you are pushing and going against the grain, nothing comes your way.

When you release expectation and get into the flow, miracles can happen. You may not even realize it as a miracle, depending on what your perceptions are of miracles.

Miracles can be those amazing situations where through all adversity a positive outcome so amazing happens, which leads you to believe it can only be created by God.

Miracles happen all the time and we pass them by as just a coincidence, or imagination because they are not big or amazing enough to be classed as a miracle.

Notice the miracles around you, start with the dawning of a new day and the sunset at the end of the day. The snow drops, the dew, the wind and the rain. Why do we not see these as miracles?

When my mood dips and I feel alone I do not notice what is around me. The snow is a nuisance, the rain is just wet and the wind messes my hair. I don't care much for the sunrise, other than it is another day dawning full of the same problems. I gladly wait for the sunset as it signals the end of another 'terrible' day.

Amongst all this low feelings something happens. You may not notice it at first, because you are so wrapped up in feeling terrible. Then out of the blue, you receive the e-mail you were waiting for or a friend or even someone on T.V. says something that pulls at your heart strings which stirs something wonderful inside.

You may not correlate the feeling with what was said at first, your friend may not have been consciously aware of it either, but what has just happened is a miracle. A moment in time when you feel connected and not alone.

Of course, this may not be enough to get you out of your low mood, but it may help you to notice all the other miracles around you. You may notice the hues of the sunrise, the beauty of each snowflake, the freshness of the wind.

Miracles are normal occurrences, just because we don't notice them doesn't mean they are not happening!

New Year, New You

The next day after the New year can seem a bit of an anti-climax. Where are all the positive convictions, the 'yes let's do this attitude?'

It is important now to not fold and give up before you begin. Remember 'Rome was not built in one day'. For change to take place you need to have clear in your mind what kind of change you want.

The next step is to be realistic. Things are not going to change over-night (even though sometimes miracles do happen). You need to devise a plan. This does not have to be a long winded expedition. But why not get a piece of paper and a pen and write it all down.

Put an estimated time schedule to each point. Rearrange the list in order of priorities or in order of enjoyment. This does not have to be a slog, make it fun.

Give yourself rewards. Each time you accomplish something on your list give yourself either a well done by just acknowledging your accomplishments or by getting yourself a little token of appreciation.

Appreciate your endeavours, don't be-little your efforts. Baby steps are just as important as big steps.

Be careful not to divert your focus of interest to the 'others'. Hopefully, 'others' will see a difference in you which will make them act differently towards you. But be aware, this may not be the difference you necessarily would like. Change provokes uncertainty and insecurity, so you may be drawn into disagreements of all kinds.

Stay vigilant. Remind yourself that change takes endurance and self-conviction. Small steps, well earned breaks and lots of self-appreciation.

Always have the outcome at the forefront of your mind. It may not correspond to what we have learnt in the past that 'It is the journey that matters and not the destination'. The destination is all there is now.

If you are artistic draw how you want to be, where you want to be, how you want to be. If you are more a writer, write a story of where you see your
self, be as descriptive and expressive as your imagination will allow you to be.

If you are musically inclined, play music that fills you with inspiration. Does this music propel you forward? Does it transport you to your destination? If it does play it all the time, feel it, be it.

Do what makes sense to you. Enjoy the journey as well though. Notice who is with you on this journey, appreciate their contribution to your life, in whichever way it manifests.

Most importantly, love, love and love some more. For at the end of the day, that is what truly matters. What fun would it be if we arrived at our destination and found that we were there alone and loveless?

'No man is an Island' but we need to explore our own Island before we can make it habitable to share with others!

New Year 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A new year, a new decade, a new world!

2009 has gone and with it has the past of the year and the past of a whole decade -Wow!

I sat yesterday and contemplated what 2009 meant for me and what I have gained and what I have lost. I listed all my achievements in my personal endeavours and I looked back at how the suffering and pain has been instrumental in propelling me foward.

I thanked both the positive and negative aspects of the year and felt cleansed, renewed and whole and ready for what the New Year has in store for me and the world.

I feel anticipation and excitement for what 2010 will bring for all of us. I am realistic enough to know that much of the same will happen but I also feel deep in my bones that we all have much more personal power in how we want our reality to be.

It is time to stop the blame culture, the victim mentality, the walking wounded attitude and stop being a follower. It is time to take our own lead and look deep inside our own hearts and take responsibility for our present and future.

Today is the 1/1/2010, it is the first day of the next decade, sit down and write how you want your life to look like. What are you waiting for?

2010 bring it on !!!!!!!!